"We're black. We don't cut our hair..."

That is what my cousin Tasha said after a woman in the elevator commented on her the length of her son's hair and expressed concern that people would mistake him for a girl. My cousin laughed and said the above, when she told me the story later. Anyone with a lick of sense would realize he had "good hair," soft little curls that could be easily controlled with a wet brush.

I don't have hair like my cousin's child. My hair is nappy, only made manageable after slathering my roots with a concoction of chemicals with the consistency of mayonnaise. For the first week after I "perm", relax, or chemically straighten my hair, I love my hair. It curls perfectly, lies flat, and behaves. I wrap it in a scarf each night and it falls into place the next morning. But that soon fades. My hair grows into tight little coils near my scalp that must be straightened again.

I don't use harsh relaxers that sting and burn my scalp. The process to straighten my hair isn't particularly time-consuming. Despite how easy it is to get it done, I know it is not good for my hair. My hair is perpetually dry. I try not to wash it often and deep condition it when I do. I all but gave up using a blow dryer out of fear of heat damage. My hair snaps, breaks, and needs to be brushed from my shoulders.

I should cut my hair, go natural, and grow a luscious little afro, but I won't. I fear that I will not longer look attractive...too ethnic...like a Negro. With my a wide nose, thick lips, and skin considerably darker than Halle Berry or Beyonce (or any other popular black celebrity that manages to be a mainstream sex object), I fear that I will no longer be found attractive by the white men that control the media and the black men who eagerly accept this standard of beauty. Even when I read magazines like Essence which celebrates black women, I find myself seeing photograph after photograph of black women with sleek, dark hair lengthened by flawlessly camouflaged extensions. (Don't even get me started on the blonde highlights.)

I ultimately believe a woman should do whatever the hell she wants to do with their appearance. I don't judge women for straitening their hair, dyeing it, braiding it, or shaving it off. I'm just ashamed that I hate the way my hair is when it is natural...